Struggles with boundary discovery
How some people struggle to calibrate depth, intensity, and charge in real time with other people.
🤷‍♂️ Why isn't this already a named thing?
There isn't already an established name for such a protocol or concept.
However, if we look around, we can find similar concepts which hint at the idea, but are insufficient on their own:
1. Emotional attunement
Used in psychology and therapy.
✔ Captures sensing another person’s emotional state
âś– Weak on information density and conceptual load
✖ Doesn’t include choice or consent calibration
2. Relational pacing
Sometimes used in coaching / therapy / trauma-informed work.
✔ Gets at “how fast / how deep”
âś– Too temporal, not enough about intensity
âś– Misses informational tolerance
3. Affective load / cognitive load
Academic terms.
âś” Very accurate descriptively
âś– Completely unusable in human conversation
âś– No relational or consent dimension
4. Psychological safety
Popular in org / team contexts.
âś” Explains why people shut down
âś– Not granular enough
✖ Doesn’t help you navigate moment-to-moment spice levels
5. Consent (expanded sense)
Some overlap with sex-positive and trauma-aware spaces.
âś” The closest philosophically
✔ “Just because you can doesn’t mean you should”
✖ Still too narrow—people don’t think of ideas or emotions this way (yet)
